“No body said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard.”– The Scientist, Coldplay
You ask me if you can call yet again.
And I give a stupid excuse, yet again.
The truth is I don’t wanna talk anymore.
Things have changed.
I have changed.
You text an “okay” back. Trying to be an understanding boyfriend, wondering what went wrong. Why are we back here again?
Or maybe you don’t. Perhaps you are so lost in your world of denial that you don’t even notice me fading away.
You text me again, asking how my day was. I send a bland reply and an “I am sleepy.” Just to avoid talking. You send an “okay” again. The oh-so understanding boyfriend.
You ask me out. On a date. Two of us. Anything I want. I realize that you must be getting desperate. You never are the first one to make a plan. I send a small text- “Sorry can’t busy.’ Not even a complete sentence. Even though all I plan to do, all day, is sleep. You send an “okay” again.
That’s what it is nowadays. A series of ‘okays’ and ‘alrights’. It’s getting tiring. To be honest, sometimes I just want you to fight with me. Give me a reason, an excuse, anything.
Why are we torturing ourselves? You wonder. You wonder if you should just end it. I wonder that too.
But then we both text a “hi”. Unable to say goodbye. So we do what we always do. We hang onto the branches of a tree that will never last.
We hang on to false hope as if our lives depend on it.
Wishing to go back to when it was beautiful.