The man that I used to know

I look at you and you look at me
Like nothing but strangers now
Two kids with their hearts on fire
Don’t let it burn us out

The Chainsmokers, Call You Mine

We were never meant to be. And it started to show. You drowned yourself in alcohol, and I drowned myself in my work. Same people. Same place. Different emotions. When I look at you now, I feel nothing but hate and a little bit of regret and resentment. I can see it in your eyes too.
You were in love with a version of me that existed once upon a time. I was too. Same people. Different time. I looked for him in you every time we talked. And every time, I was disappointed. You were not the boy I fell in love with, and I wasn’t the girl you fell in love with either.

I was still looking for the boy who used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Stayed in bed with me all day. And danced to all my songs. I was still looking for the guy who sang as he cooked pancakes and smelled like coffee. Looking for the guy whose smile could rock my world. Who was everything to me and I to him?

I was looking for the guy whose breath didn’t smell like cheap whiskey and whose words weren’t slurred all the time. I was looking for the guy who paid attention to me and didn’t fuck with other people. I was looking for my sweet boy, the one who bought me flowers and made me smile. Whose kisses made my heart flutter, and my eyes sparkled.

But what was in front of me was a broken shell of a man. Lost in despair, drowning in alcohol. A man who smelled like cigarettes and bad sex. Who came back with lipstick stains on shirts which weren’t mine. A man who couldn’t even make it to the bed. A man who could no longer look me in the eye. A broken excuse for a man.

When I look at you now, all I feel is despair. I wish for things to go back to the way they were. But I can see you wondering who I am, and I question that too. Who are you? And what did you do to my love?

My soul reaches out to you. To ask you to stay. To ask you to hold me close and never let go. To hold you and cry my heart out. To make everything alright. To make you stop. But you don’t say a word as I walk out the door with my bags.

People used to say that we were made for each other. And maybe once upon a time, we were. But now… now we were two pieces of a broken heart that don’t fit anymore.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.